A much needed UPDATE!!!

Well yesterday I was in a car accident on the way to take my GRE (go figure). My car is totaled...I have no transportation to work or school and I commute to Columbia for classes. I'm stressed out to the max!!!! I have to get a new car asap!!!! Everything seemed to be working against me...Sunday I had a virus, Wednesday a car accident. I need God to step in and give his child a peace of mind. I'm Trying so hard to graduate in May and if it kills me I will GRADUATE IN MAY!!!!! Lord I need thee, oh I need thee!!! I know he is there. I'm trying to build a relationship with him and he sees me. But in spite of it all the Lord has kept me and I know he will continue to keep me.  I'm working on my faith...(all I need is faith the size of a mustard seed)

I'm slacking...

I'm slacking badly...it has been a minute since I blogged and Lord knows I need to. So lately i have contracted the green-eyed disease called jealousy... It seems like everyone around me are moving forward in their relationships except me!!!! I have two friends that are married, my best friend moving in with her boyfriend (she has a ring), and now my cousin is getting married. With an exception on one of them I have been in my relationship the longest. Of course, I want to be all in love and planning a wedding with the man I love the most. We used to talk about getting married all the time and how much we wanted to be together but now I am left with uncertainties. I want to be loved and to feel loved. I'm not saying I have to get married tomorrow I just want some security in my relationship. I want to know (need to know) that we are going to be together...help me father....

Just an update...

I haven't wrote lately so here goes...Sunday I went to church and had a great time. I really got something out of being at church. I learned that I am destined for greatness and I have to stop living the mediocre life. I want to be a great woman of God but to be quite honest I'm scared. I'm scared in a good way and a bad way. The bad way is what scares me. I know I shouldn't worry about what people, my friends, or my boyfriend may think or act towards me but I can't help it. I'm only human. I know what God has for me is the best but it's hard dealing with doubts and insecurities. I pray for God to show me the way with everything in my life but I'm having a hard time seeing past my reality. What I want out of life the most is to have a strong walk with God, a great career, a loving husband, and 4 kids but are those things possible? To top it all off the worst thing I might have to face is the man I love may not be the man for me. What is important is what God wants for me. I pray for my relationship everyday because I do believe this is my soul mate. I'm confuse on this new journey I am embarking on but I know with God leading the way I will be alright.

Until Next Time,
Teeda...

Emotional Rollercoaster

I constantly feel like I'm on an Emotional Rollercoaster because of this man. My feelings are never the same. One minute I'm happy and the next I'm sad, lonely, and depressed all wrapped up in one. I know alll relationships have their ups and downs but this is becoming to much. It is like living in a sea of unknown. He says he loves me and want to be with me but I constantly feel like he is pushing me away only to bring me back in once again. It hurts because I feel so lonely and I rather hear the truth anyday than to be in a constant condition of hurt. I told he how I felt once but of course I made it sound all nice trying to protect his feelings, hoping he would understand where I am coming from. This time when we talk I have to lay it all out on the table. My feelings have to come first now. I need to be heard and some changes have to be made. No relationship can work like this. In the 3 years we have been together we never had any problems but now it seems like hell has broken loose on this relationship. Maybe that was the QUIET BEFORE THE STORM!!!!

My 1st Blog!!!!

This is my very 1st blog (yay me!!!). Lately I have been going though a lot and dealing with a lot of things emotionally and I need some type of emotional outlet and I figured a blog would be the perfect way to keep my mind mentally sane. Soooo, I don't know where to begin so I'm just gonna start randomly...Well, my Princess is about to turn 1!!! I'm not so ready for her to grow up. It feels like yesterday I was bring her home from the hospital. Before I know it my baby will be starting school but I guess I can't keep her a baby forever. This year has really has it's ups and downs but I'm making it. I also, have begun the process of getting closer to God. If I ever need anything in my life at this very moment it is God. I need him like never before. I'm new at this so I'm looking for ways to let him into my life and to take control. I realize that I am not perfect and I am nothing without him. I want God to come in and mold me into the woman he wants me to be. On another note: I'm graduating this year!!! There is more to come in future blogs!!!!